In my increasingly useful, helpful, and factual series on pre-conference articles about cities in which the conferences are hosted, I’m excited to be heading to a new (for me) region of the country; the central mid-west.

I profess ignorance of the region, but here are some things I know for sure:

1. It’ll be an excellent conference – the speaker line-up is great.
2. Maintainn is sponsoring (we’ll have discount codes, of course!)
3. I will see one or more cows
4. I will eat one or more cows
5. I will somehow find a way to attend Michael Beckwith’s talk, even though it’s at the same time as mine.

I’m lucky to call one of the conference organizers, Dan Griffiths a friend, and look forward to meeting many more people.

But let’s dynamic_sidebar for a second and discuss what’s really on everyone’s mind…

What is Nebraska? Is it really a place you can travel to?

Yes! It is. Why would you even ask a question like that? I for one was never suspicious that Nebraska and several other mid-western states were fictional destinations employed in the media by the Federal government to hide the bizarre, horrific truth that the center of this country is, in fact, a labyrinthine tundra of UFO paraphernalia and covert inter-galactic teleportation devices.

In fact, I have a close friend that grew up in Nebraska. His name is Karlag-2137. Really down-to-Earth guy; he’s an accountant.

It is my belief that, even though persons from the mid-west have vast anatomical differences to the rest of the world, and are all telepathic, telekinetic, and likely many more words that have a prefix of tele, we should not treat them differently.

To call them space aliens is derogatory and cruel.

Cows

Yes yes, cows. They’re everywhere. We have them here, in wherever it is I live. Here’s a FastFact™ I bet you didn’t know about Nebraska cows, though: they’re as intelligent and nuanced as any human. Here’s a documentary about a tap-dancing cow from Nebraska, named Mootilda Milksly:

In Nebraska, cows are respected as a family member:

If you guessed that this breed of super-cow originates from India, you’re correct. Cows have a much more varied history in India. Here’s a spaceship cow with people inside of it (only a few still exist today):

Yes, it’s clear that while I’m there, I have my work cut out for me as Envoy from the East (I am the first person from the East Coast to travel to Nebraska), but I look forward to the first of many WordCamp Omaha conferences, learning from countless brilliant colleagues, and convincing a cow that I won’t tell anyone if it would simply just speak to me and confirm my suspicions.